Project Smart ~ Exploring trends and developments in project management today

Calendar iconNot recorded
Adobe PDF icon

Just for a Laugh: The Lighter Side of Project Management

~ By Duncan Haughey

A fisheye image of a smiling nerd

Top 10 Signs You're a Project Manager

  1. Becoming tired of having a social life beyond work.
  2. Spending hours planning and re-planning a Friday night out.
  3. Thinking Rommel would have been more effective if he'd used a Gantt chart.
  4. Using so much jargon customers think you're speaking a foreign language.
  5. Organising your life into milestones.
  6. Setting time-based tasks for your family at weekends.
  7. Buying a personal copy of Microsoft Project for use at home.
  8. Giving regular status reports to your other half while doing the decorating.
  9. Creating a Gantt chart to plan your holidays.
  10. Referring to food at dinner parties as "deliverables."

Top 10 Things a Project Manager Should Never Say to a Customer

  1. If you're as confused as I am then you know as much as I do.
  2. Don't worry it's easier than it looks.
  3. I'm not sure what happened; it worked last time.
  4. Implementation? We'll worry about that when we get to it.
  5. The problem is we have too much work for too few people.
  6. My last project was a complete disaster.
  7. We can deliver much earlier than you're asking for.
  8. We'll definitely come in under budget.
  9. Are you stupid or what?
  10. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.

Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear From a Project Manager

  1. I didn't see that risk coming!
  2. This whole project is based on a case study I read in the paper last week.
  3. I'm not sure this project is going to deliver any benefits.
  4. The project is running well ahead of schedule.
  5. I think we'll miss that milestone by quite a long way.
  6. We're charging you far too much to run this project.
  7. There's far more budget and time than is needed.
  8. I didn't actually have a plan; I was playing it by ear.
  9. I can't take credit for that success.
  10. How about paying us based on the success of the project?

You Know It Is Time to Get Out of Project Management When…

  • You refer to your other half as the budget holder.
  • Your personal life is planned to the end degree.
  • You write a Project Brief for your next holiday.
  • Safe sex involves a risk log and contingency plan.
  • You organise your family into a more efficient team based structure.
  • The "deliverables" for Saturday are the shopping and washing.
  • You mitigate the risk of your in-laws visiting.
  • Finding yourself explaining what Gantt, PERT and CPM diagrams are to people down the pub.
  • You enjoy reading the Project Management Body of Knowledge in bed.

The Wish

A project manager, a software developer, and a hardware engineer are in Brighton for three weeks helping out on a project.

About midweek, they decide to take a lunchtime walk up and down the beach. Halfway up the beach, they come across a lamp. As they rub the lamp, a genie appears and says, I will grant each of you one wish.

The hardware engineer says, I want to spend the rest of my life living in a huge mansion with no money worries. The genie grants his wish.

The software developer says, I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a yacht cruising the Caribbean with no money worries. The genie grants his wish.

Then it is the project manager's turn. And what would your wish be? Asked the genie.

I want them both back after lunch replies the project manager.

The Monkey

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, I'll have a C monkey, please. The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and lead, handed it to the customer, saying, That'll be £5,000.

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much? The shopkeeper answered, Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.

The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. Hey, that one's even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?

Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. The tourist gasped to the shopkeeper, That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?

The shopkeeper replies, Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a project manager.


Comments (5)

Topic: Just for a Laugh: The Lighter Side of Project Management
5/5 (5)
Gravatar
Full StarFull StarFull StarFull StarFull Star
1st December 2015 8:51pm
Russell Jones (Williamstown) says...
I guess I really am a project manager:

  • I planned my wedding in Microsoft Project
  • The cost came in on budget
  • Upon returning from our honeymoon, all bills were paid
So sorry.
Gravatar
Full StarFull StarFull StarFull StarEmpty Star
16th December 2016 12:09pm
Taraka Shah (Mumbai) says...
Sounds like an excellent idea. Can you please share your .mpp file. I have an upcoming wedding to plan :)
Gravatar
Full StarFull StarFull StarFull StarFull Star
1st September 2014 8:35pm
Helmet Veshdon says...
Ha, I love the 'top 10 things' jokes. I had my boss read these, and he about died laughing at some of them. The sad part is that some of the things on there, he had done or said. He makes mistakes like all of us. Thanks again for the jokes.
Gravatar
Full StarFull StarFull StarFull StarFull Star
15th August 2014 2:12pm
Deb Z. says...
Finally, project manager humour that is actually funny! Thanks for the laughs.

Add a comment



(never displayed)



 
2000
Out of 90, 76 or 12, which is the largest?
Notify me of new comments via email.
Remember my form inputs on this computer.

10 Golden Rules of Project Risk Management

Three red dice reading: Manage your risk

The benefits of risk management in projects are huge. You can gain a lot of money if you deal with uncertain project events in a proactive manner.

Project Scheduling And Resource Levelling

Gantt chart and fountain pen

This article describes the must do steps, in the correct order, for scheduling projects and levelling finite resources.

Helping Project Teams Succeed

Business team brainstorming using coloured labels on a table in an office

Project teams will be successful when the right environmental conditions exist; sadly this is not always the case.

Learning from Project Failures

Success and failure directional signs

Some of the most important lessons we learn come from failures. Kenneth Darter explains a simple four step process to make sure the same failures aren't repeated.

PROJECT SMART is the project management resource that helps managers at all levels improve their performance. We provide an important knowledge base for those involved in managing projects of all kinds. With weekly exclusive updates, we keep you in touch with the latest project management thinking.

WE ARE CONNECTED ~ Follow us on social media to get regular updates and opinion on what's happening in the world of project management.


Latest Comments

NAGARJUNA VARIKOTI commented on…
Mind, Meditation and the Project Manager
- Thu 25 January 2:19pm

Arthur commented on…
Make Me a Project Manager in 2018
- Tue 16 January 12:24pm

Suzanne commented on…
The Role of the Project Manager
- Thu 11 January 9:29pm

Latest tweets

General Project Management • Re: Any Complete Project/Workflow Management Online Tool? https://t.co/1k3slKek68 #projectsmart #pmot about 14 days ago

General Project Management • Re: What degree should I choose to further my career? https://t.co/KvfJdqL76h #projectsmart #pmot about 22 days ago

General Project Management • Identification System for Project Management Methodology https://t.co/hnKcVlIiew #projectsmart #pmot about 1 month ago